Enjoying another morning in Boulder trying my best to savor it as my time here is coming to a close. I returned a few days ago from doing Renegade Craft Fair Chicago. It really could not have gone better on so many levels. I just love that city so much. It helps that the weather was pretty much flawless, sunny and 70’s, the sales were great and the friends putting me up the kind of people that raise the bar for how to be awesome humans all around. I wish I could have stayed a few days more but with the marathon solo drive back and the jag of orders on the docket, I decided it best to do a quick turnaround on Monday and head back.
It’s been a good reflective summer and I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to make work in such beautiful surroundings with ideal weather and time write and meditate on where I am. It has run the gamut a bit as even moments of doubt and fear have crept into my mind at times over a summer filled mostly with inspiration and encouragement. The best part is I feel like I’ve locked into a vision of what I truly want to be doing. Not that it’s radically different from what’s been in my sights for years but really a refinement of things that I think is powerful.
My ex-mother in-law (double hyphen!) use to say the universe will give you what you want but you need to know exactly what that is and be clear about it. I more or less believe this is true. And for someone who tends to over think things and look at ten sides of any issue, getting real clarity on something so important can be a bit fear inducing. I think my biggest struggle, other than arguing for my limitations which I’m a master at, is feeling overwhelmed with all that there is to do to achieve my dreams. I often think if I only had the people and the resource ($) to work with I’d be jamming on more than 8 cylinders. But how do I get from here to there? This is not a new question and I’ve seen the answer play itself out in my career countless times so the only reason I feel reluctant to grab onto it is because of fear. Fear. It is the biggest ball breaker of all and the one thing that drives so much human behavior, decision and indecision. The answer I believe lies in an area filled with the typical duality of life. As crucial as it is to lock onto a well focused idea of where I want to be, it is equally important that I place this big picture in the foreground and focus on not only today, but this very moment. When pushing forward minute by minute, not knowing exactly how things will play out but trusting that if I show up in a healthy and consistent way, and remain curious and open, as opposed to anxiety ridden, about how life will unfold, I have found there is a flow and grace to the world that is undeniable. This successful way of operating in my life works on two fronts. Not only does my deepest intuition tell me this is the best way to journey to any given destination because it’s the smoothest distance between two points, but also the sweetest. The quality of living on planet earth improves immensely when I appreciate the awesomeness of the day and all there is to experience along the way.
It’s just such a crazy irony that as important as it is to have a goal, the idea that it’s going to full fill me and bring lasting happiness is the oldest trick in the book and yet believing that seems to be a major part of being a modern human. I write these words in an effort to figure this stuff out for myself and as always, to be reminded. I always come upon the same beacons of truth again and again. As impossible as it is to stomp out fear in my life in a complete and final way, it is equally futile to believe the lessons I learn will remain firmly in place. Like the maintenance required on all the systems, in my experience, the mind is no different.
I feel grateful I have had the time to think all this over and put it out into the world. Though it’s the self centered meandering of my thoughts, this stuff seems pretty universal and if by connecting here you found any hope or help, that may be coolest piece of this crazy puzzle.